You’ve put yourself out there and you’ve made a choice to keep doing that. Suddenly, you get blasted with an inner “who do you think you are” kind of shame attack. You freeze, then you thaw a bit and cringe, then you freeze again. You write some more. You notice it’s escapist and intellectual. It’s great material but it lacks soul. You do some Tapping, listening, and nurturing inside—and finally, you decide to JUST write.
Does anyone resonate with this? It’s been my recent experience as I begin to blog again.
This time, my strongest sense of support comes from reassuring myself that I’ve got my back, I know why I’m writing, and that’s all that counts. Then I name what’s happening and share it with a friend, “Hey, I’m having a shame attack.” Now it’s a “thing” that’s happening and we can recognize and talk about it.
Over the summer, I was invited to lead a group in morning ritual during a weekend on racial healing. I was aware of the racial mix of the group and my own sense of “immigrant outsider.” I started with quotes from African American and other minority social activists as I led the group. The woman who invited me there, pulled me aside after the first day, looked straight into my eyes and said, “I asked for you to be you, not teach us what others have said. I want you to show up as you.”
I was stunned. That fierce love clearly didn’t allow me to feel bad even for a moment. I really got in my whole body and embraced what I had not heard in many months or years—I was required to be me. It was not about the quotes or calling on the wisdom of others. She apparently could tell that I was trying to “get it right” or something. She had called me out in a profoundly loving way, and I received it deeply. The next day was an awesome experience for me and perhaps the group, as I did MY thing! Thank you, Reverend Ros!
I’m hoping that you will (if you don’t already) make time to listen inside to those impulses, those movements of your life energy.
Listen to those impulses that want to express themselves, be it speaking up in relationships, writing, or other art forms.
Sense into our readiness, the right timing, and the best form of expression.
Take care of ourselves as we are received and responded to.
I want to invite you to ask yourself:
What wants to happen in your life? What wants to be expressed?
What support do you need to make it easier for that to birth?
What do you need to put into place during the gestation or the birthing?
Will you love and support yourself through it all and after?
Feel free to respond and share your response with others around you!
P.S. If you have an idea that is precious to you, be mindful who you share it with, lest it be crushed before it’s hatched. Protection is part of nurturing!
** image by Hello I’m Nik