A grueling dull day. Dull interspersed with uncomfortable feelings. I dragged myself out of the house in the late evening to the grocery store. I met a friend there. He said he’d had a dull, sleepy, down few days. It sounded like the depression-like state I was in.
Somehow it felt good. Just hearing that allowed me to feel normal.
I was ok! Just like that!
Why is it that its sometimes so difficult to trust where I’m at and what I’m feeling? Why is it that an explanation of my experience is necessary to justify my being okay with it, accepting it? I recall going through this on several occasions. Each time I’ve felt unsettled for a while until I talked to someone who might have suggested it was the weather. Or I’d read in a book that they were normal peri-menopause symptoms. Then suddenly, I felt NORMAL.
How refreshing it would be to feel more at ease with our experiences, trusting that we are always okay. Even with the discomforts that need attention, the changes that need to happen or the longings that beckon us forward.
Perhaps we need a change in diet or medication, a renewed commitment to routine, more walks in the woods or time with friends. There will also be times when we need to understand what may be going on for us, identify the cause of some illness or disruption in a relationship. And then we could reflect, practice Focusing with a guide or talk to a friend or professional.
We don’t need to feel other than normal. Something may just be a surprise, perplexing, something just out of the norm!
Just as we are always in process, so are our lives. What we see as interruptions are merely aspects of life’s process. Somehow along the way we develop ideas about what a smooth life process is, what is normal. Anything else is an interruption. Getting sick is not an interruption to our life, nor is an unexpected visit or traumatic experiences.
These events do interrupt what may be good and smooth and planned. They could also be a spoke in the wheel of vehicle stuck in the dung of dead habit. But truly they are just sentences in the paragraph of life’s chapters.
Why do we need to explain our own, our very own personal experiences in order to in order to honor them? Why can we not trust our life process, observe what’s going on, decipher what I need and follow through with our own inner guidance?
Let’s PAUSE for a moment:
-Are there times when you’ve felt like you need to be somewhere in life where you are not? Or you’re embarrassed to tell someone how you are doing or who you really are because you don’t fit some standard or ‘norm’? Perhaps you’ve been wise to hold back expressing yourself, suspected you may be judged. But does something in you also judge yourself? Just notice.
Take a moment to breathe into the realization that where you are is where you need to be right now. Who you are is exactly who you need to be right now. Gently allow those tentative or rejected parts of you to emerge, allowing them to feel accepted by you. Notice their beliefs about how they SHOULD be. These ‘shoulds’ could be pointing to strivings, places drawing you forward, like a parent’s arms beckoning a toddler to walk a few more steps towards them.
-Notice if you have some beliefs about the interruptions in your life. They could be pointing to the challenges that need some chewing on, introspection and support understanding. See if you can honor them for what they are, honoring your resistances AND desire to move forward.
Do feel free to contact me with comments, questions or your stories.